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There is a traitor in the house and it is time. I have been deceived by time, led to believe as a child that I would always be young and have second chances. There are a handful of Sundays that I can recall where time stood still. The days never ended and the sun was so bright. I was happy and I felt so much love. My grandparents were alive then and nothing could go wrong. Inside I mocked the day as I thought I had some magic in its longevity. Now I mourn the passage of so many days and wish I could hold the past: The past that I neglected to mold. The shattered truth of my existence after pondering the recycled days of torture. The present that is soon to be a memory cannot be cherished or nurtured enough.
Generally in life we see the sun more than we see storms. When a storm does roll around most of us think of darkness, gloom, impending tragedy. We may hide or become fearful. This is how we are sentenced to feel when we are out there using. Every minute is a storm and rarely do we have the opportunity to see the light of day. However if we make the choice to get sober, we notice the clouds begin to scatter allowing a glimpse of light to shine through. Storms do pass.
I am finding peace with myself again because I am in touch with nature and being grateful. I feel full and empty at the same time. Is that even a possibility? It is not bothering me its just a new sensation that I am learning to grasp. Everything is beautiful and it is making me feel beautiful. The negative thoughts about myself are disappearing.
When you are at peace with the world, you are at peace with yourself. The breeze is just enough to whistle softly in my ear. With the rock fountain near me, I can hear the sound of the water dancing on the rocks.